Walking With a Narcissist (Part 3)

You can love the people who hurt you- but it doesn’t change the fact that you need to let those people go. 

You will not win, so you should not seek to hold them accountable for anything. As much as you desperately want them to see the error of their ways, it will never work. If you try, you will be greeted with denial, blame-shifting, lying, rejection and absolutely no conscience or remorse for what they have done. They will tell you that they ‘don’t want to argue’, ‘they don’t have the energy to fight’, and ask ‘why are you causing problems again- why are you dragging this on?’ – This is not avoiding confrontation, as it would be for most of us- this is avoiding accountability for their own actions. Remember, they will never be wrong- but you will. 

There will come a point where you have confirmed within your own mind that whatever you thought you had with them, was not a reality. The person who they painted themselves out to be, was never really them. This doesn’t change the simple fact that you still care for them, regardless of their behaviour- you do still want nothing but happiness for them; you want them to find somebody who makes them happy. That person will never be you and realising that is the key that sets you free. Recognising that you are not responsible for this gives you the push that you need to move forward.

When it is, all over, you miss the good side of them- the side that sparked the initial attraction, the side that had you fooled for a very long time. It takes time to reflect on all of the different emotions that you have experienced in this part of your life. No doubt, it is a chapter that you will look back on- with memories of the times that you shared, the happier moments, and it is completely normal to do so. Nobody ever wants to feel that they wasted time, or that they were fooled for too long. If you take nothing away from it, but a lesson well learnt, the journey was strangely worth it. Your strength grew.

We cannot prepare ourselves for these types of relationships, they take us by surprise. They make us happy to begin with, we feel empowered and loved- there was always a reason why you gave it your undivided attention. Never again will you find yourself in the emotionally destructive hands of another person, never again will you ignore your gut feeling or question your own mind, and never again will you love as freely as you did. You may have felt that you lost your control, maybe your mind a little too, but it comes back stronger than it ever was before

You will never forget their actions towards you, or forget all of the moments that you doubted yourself and gave them second, third and forth chances. Some of these memories will stick with you, and your heart may hurt when they surface, but they are there to always remind you why that path was not worth walking.

Finally, it’s nothing personal- there is nothing you could have done that would have made it any different. Sadly, not everybody has the ability to love the way you do, never make it your responsibility to encourage them to love you. If it is real, it will feel effortless- not a challenge. Let go, wish them well and always remember the lessons they taught you.

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