I think it’s crazy the way we prioritise our relationships before ourselves. Consciously, we know that we should put ourselves first, but we know that there are stages where we don’t. When we have somebody to share our lives with, they gain status in our life- we suddenly feel this obligation to include them, but this can often lead to putting them first above ourselves.
When your life takes turns for the worst, there will be a moment that comes to light where you realise that you are facing things alone. People are around you, and of course, you feel supported but nobody is going to take away your pain- only you. A healthy relationship would witness two people supporting each other, but we know that this is not always the case. So why do we prioritise others in our own relationships? Is it because we feel that morally, this is what a relationship constitutes? Or is it because we start to forget to love ourselves as much as we love them? For me, I simply forget about myself- majorly.
Falling in love is a feeling that can prompt our world to do a 360 turn, it can feel overwhelming but we enjoy it, and so we should. For many people, the love is reciprocated, the bond strengthens and steps are taken to make each other a permanent fixture. Engagements, weddings, buying a home, having a family, travelling together- all of those wonderful life milestones that people go through as they continue to build a life with a significant other. The energy is shared and exchanged; there is a mutual understanding and level of respect for each other, who are sharing the same morals and values that will carry them through life together.
What happens to the rest of us who are ‘unlucky in love‘ so to speak? We always hope for it to happen one day, and when we do find somebody who is our (apparent) perfect match, we are glowing! We are so overwhelmed with this new found love, that they become paramount in our own lives. We want to be around them more often than not, if we have time to spare, we want to be with them. We are happy to share our love with others, in the hope that it will be returned to us, but this is where we go wrong. When we start to develop expectations of others, we are entering a losing battle. We are no longer considering ourselves, we are no longer remembering who we were before they entered our lives- we are no longer choosing us.
The reason why we should be empowered to always choose us, is because people should not define our happiness, our relationships should not be the only thing that truly makes us happy. There may be times within our lives where we are blessed to share moments with somebody else, and if that person is right for us, it will grow- but there may be times where relationships don’t work out. If they don’t, we need to be able to prioritise ourselves and move forward, without feeling lost when that person leaves.
It’s easier said than done. It is a part of life and a part of learning. In our lives, we have a tendency to think of others before ourselves…They meet you as one person, and they leave you as a completely different version of you. There is a significant amount of time spent dedicating our lives to another person, whilst neglecting our own needs and our own thoughts. You may be lucky enough to meet somebody who meets you half way and who loves you the way you love them, for which I am sincerely happy for you! If you are still searching for that special somebody, just as I am, always keep in the back of your mind that you, first and foremost are important. We are whole on our own, anybody who joins us along the way, for the short or long term, are to only add to our already existing lives. Let somebody bring something to the table that works for you, without an obligation to love them more than you love yourself.
It is one of the most important things in life: love yourself first and continue to invest time in yourself the way you would invest in somebody else. We glow differently when we embrace self-love; choose you first.