In the mist of loss, shock, heartbreak, anger, denial, comes grief. There is no feeling like it, it is so many emotions all bunched up into one, and when you are grieving your body and mind are just totally consumed by it. It can feel like one very tiring battle, something that cannot be escaped at that time- grieving is mentally exhausting. It comes in waves, and with time, the waves begin to change, nevertheless, it is a ever changing journey that you cannot prepare for.
The first step to accepting your grief, is to grieve. Your grief is personal to you, and as much as you just want people to understand how it feels, don’t expect people to grieve for your loss- people can support you but they cannot feel how you feel. We all grieve differently, some people cry day in and day out, others don’t- there is no right or wrong way. If you feel it is right for you, seek professional help- talking to somebody can help, it can become a very therapeutic activity and if you need it, it gives you a safe space to release some of the thoughts and feelings that you may not always wish to share with your loved ones. It is okay to want to have some privacy with your thoughts, but talking is always helpful. Be kind to yourself, you are hurting whilst healing, have some patience whilst you journey through the motions and the stages of the grieving process- this is your journey to acceptance so do not be afraid to grieve.
Don’t Be Afraid To Express Your Feelings
We live in a world now where in one breath, we are taught to be reserved and private individuals, we are taught how to present ourselves in a professional environment in our careers and to demonstrate that we are strong people- and in another breath, we are encouraged to express how we feel, you know the whole ‘it’s okay not to be okay‘ speech. Grieving comes with many different feelings that can change as time passes by, but don’t be afraid to express how that feels for you, no matter how much time went by. Your head can become very overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts you have about your loss, and bottling it up really does not help. Expressing your feelings does not always mean talking to people, it could be listening to music or writing a blog- everybody is different- just be sure to consider your feelings before you hide them away.
Give Yourself Time
There is a famous saying that: ‘time is a great healer‘ – and for some, this may be true. The way that I have looked at it over time, is that time is an element to the great healer, because with time, your ability to control your emotions and to process your loss becomes easier- you and your resilience is an essential element to what great healing constitutes…But whatever way you look at it, give yourself time. There is no specific amount of time that a person should expect to grieve, no two people are the same, so there should be no pressure on when your grief should ease. How you feel is how you feel, nobody has the right to tell you that it is time to move on- and if they do, perhaps consider whether that person truly cares for you. Take each day as it comes, and when you are feeling stronger, take it week by week, then month by month- bad days will still come, and it is okay to still feel hurt in months and years down the line, it is okay to have moments where you feel overwhelmed by your grief. After all, we are only human. Be patient and be kind to yourself.
There is no ‘How To’ Guide when it comes to coping with bereavement and grieving. It is a personal journey that, to some degree, you have to face alone. Your family and friends can be there every step of the way to support you, but accepting your grief is entirely down to you. Nobody can make those decisions for you, or tell you how or when to grieve…The journey is yours, it will twist and turn, but remember to take care of you first and foremost, you will be your own saviour if you face it head on.