The simple answer: as many times as you let them.
It all depends on how many times you are going to allow one person to steal your happiness, your positivity and your energy. It depends on how many second chances you decide to give to that person, how many times you turn a blind eye to things you know to be true. Until one day, out of the blue, with no prior warning, you will decide that enough is enough.
Did you really love them? Yes. Does it hurt? Of course. Can you move forward? Only if you let yourself. Your ties have to be cut. There is no such thing as being friends with somebody who has done nothing but disrespect you, lie to you and pretend that you are the problem. The only problem here is that you care too much.
Your heart can only continue to break, if you continue to invest time into them. They are not sorry for what they have done, they will continue to lie because that is what they do- they will never take responsibility for their actions… You have believed their every word up until now. It comes as no surprise that they have repeated behaviours towards you that do not constitute what love is.
Are you enough? Always. It just so happens that you have fallen in love with a person who is just not right for you. They don’t appreciate you. In all honesty, you could rightly question whether they ever did- but why torture yourself? The longer you hold on to what hurts you, the longer it manifests and the longer it takes to heal.
You have been here before, you recognise the feeling and how painful it is. You are not shocked, but you just thought this time would be different. A common mistake to make when you love somebody. You were not foolish, you simply believed that the love was mutual. You trusted them.
The steps that you need to take are simple. Fall apart and feel whatever it is you need to feel- grieving for people who are living is a real thing. Stop thinking about how they feel about it, or if they are even sorry. They are not. As difficult as it may feel, let them go. You are not their saviour and they are not yours. Remove the pedestal that you have placed them on and whatever you do: do not reminisce. The memories that replay over and over in your mind are not real. That person is not who you thought they were.
The longer that you revisit this chapter of your life, the longer it hurts. Easier said than done, I know, but it really is. You have to be brave and stand up for you and only you. You owe them nothing. They took everything they possibly could from you, and discarded you whenever they wanted. This is not love, this is careless behaviour that never considered you for one moment.
The longer you love, the longer your heart breaks. Say no to disrespect, you were not given life to let it walk all over you. You are always worth more than empty declarations of love. Stop questioning their motive and their intentions. Just know that their intentions were not good ones. They are not thinking about you when you lie awake at night thinking of them.
You were like home to me. There was trouble ahead and I knew it. I didn’t save myself from the ruins, I didn’t realise I needed to. Torn between hating what you have done to me, and loving you entirely. This is the last time my heart will break for you, I promise you that. A round of applause for your appalling behaviour and your inability to respect me. This is the last time my tears will fall for you.