One essential part of life in general, is knowing yourself well enough to know how you are going to react to something. If you are in tune with yourself, you can go through the motions, knowing you will come out of it OK in good time. The time it takes really does not make a difference, as long as you are kind to yourself throughout the process and remember the things I am going to explain further below. Whether you are reading this post breakup or not, these 5 things are integral to life anyway, so putting these into practice and understanding why it is important will most definitely help you in the long run. More than anything, it will help you to manage your emotions… Maybe I am soft in the way that I approach things, especially when it comes to people, but is there really any need to feel negative towards somebody constantly? Should this eat you up inside? Being bitter only impacts you… Holding on to negative feelings is not healthy and will never benefit your life.
I think we are all guilty at some point in our life of thinking: what the actual fuck am I doing? Naturally, when everything is going well, I think we are all guilty of forgetting to use our heads more…As human beings, we mostly lead with our emotions whether we like it or not, so when it all comes crashing down, there is a real sense of shock associated with the situation. Unfortunately, for overthinkers like me, you may try to have all of the answers, to the point that you might even try to answer your own questions- one thing that is not recommended for your own sanity. Accept that some situations will not give us the answers we need, it comes down to demonstrating inner strength and remembering these simple things as you work on moving on with your life.
1. Life is short. Make it count.
I feel that I say this in everything that I write but it’s something that holds importance to me, for the reasons that are my life and what I have encountered and endured in my twenties. Life is short in the grand scheme of things. The years fly by and from one year to the next, your life can change significantly…From the people who are in it, to the career path that you are on- our lives are incredibly short and for this reason, it is somewhat an insult to not make the most of it. Sadly, when people walk into our lives, there is a chance that they will walk back out again and this is the risk that you have to take… People make choices for themselves and whilst it is hard not to take it personally and feel hurt by it, dwelling on it and putting your life on hold because you feel sad does not benefit you in any way, shape or form. So when you are sitting with just your thoughts, feeling melancholic, missing somebody, just remember that your life is yours for the making. Whoever joins you on your life journey will be present when it is right. Be sad for a while, process your emotions but then be brave, accept it and live your life, because it is what it is.
2. Trust the timing of your life.
A really interesting conversation I had with my mum over the summer put this into perspective for me… I led the conversation by talking about friends around me who have seemingly got their life in order (if there is such a thing). I questioned, why do some people just seem to have it all figured out, find that person and everything is happily ever after, whilst other people are just lost; they love and lose time and time again. The very simple response from my mum was: “Lauren, you need to trust the timing and what will be, will be”. My mum, and the amazing woman that she is, went on to talk about how life just happens, how we meet people and develop friendships, how we change as individuals when we grow, but also when we get hurt, how we communicate and connect, and everything in between. She continued stating about why timing for people is the most important thing in life with regards to pretty much anything! If the timing- for whatever reason, is just not right, then as painful as it is, leave it be and focus on what is present in life. When the timing is not right, you can garuantee that the issues will start to surface, and then what? You go back to square one. Consider this carefully. What is happening at the present moment in time is where you should be channelling your energy…Trust the timing, your days will get better.
3. What is meant for you will find it’s way to you.
When it comes to the complex world of dating, connections, love, sex, disagreements, forming romantic bonds and all of the other aspects we associate to being with somebody, it is soul destroying when it just doesn’t work out. Whatever the reason that it hasn’t worked out is besides the point- it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts. When we meet individuals and there is a connection, or you just feel a positive energy around somebody, it is natural to want to remain in that space, with that person. The pressures of the modern world have us thinking that we need to, and we must settle down…but, the clue is right there in the phrase that many of us continuously consider: settle. Nobody should settle. Whatever the age, whatever part of life you are at- stop feeling the need to conform to society and the timeline, because by doing so, you are confirming that you are happy to settle. There are people who are meant to be in your life, and when you do meet these people, you will know. The chances are, the red flags you have been ignoring, were the tell signs all along that a person just wasn’t meant for you. Be a strong believer in: what is meant for you, will always find it’s way- in the meantime, work on building the version of you that doesn’t need somebody in their life, but simply wants somebody to share their life with. There is a difference.
4. Actions speak louder than words.
Actions speak louder than words is perhaps one of the most cliché statements we use. Whilst it is important to listen to the words of others, always consider the actions that accompany those words. Did the actions make you feel validated? Did the actions consider you and your feelings? And most importantly, did the actions make you feel safe and respected? If the answer is no, then it is probably time to start working on letting that person go…Emotionally. We hang on to words- and words do matter too! However, if the words and the actions combined have left you in a state of confusion, then it is evident that the motives of that person are not clear or sincere. It is really important to not create the scenarios in your mind as to why the actions are a certain way, it is crucial to remember that if people want to do something, they will do it- stop making excuses for them. Accept it even if it is not something that you wish to accept- in the long run, it is going to help you to let go of the person anyway. Stop allowing yourself to be tormented by bad behaviours, this is the type of person who is not worth your energy- people can talk the talk, but fail to walk the walk- observe the actions, this is where you find your answers.
5. Learn from every experience you encounter.
Life itself is about experience. Whether the experience is good or bad makes no difference, because we can and we should learn from every experience that we encounter. There is no such thing as wasted time with people, even though you may think that when you are feeling sad. In one way or another you have learnt something from that person or that experience, and it will no doubt inform your decisions in the future. The only way that we can truly figure out what we want with our lives and those people in it is by having experiences that teach us lessons. The lessons may not always be pleasant, but if you are under the impression that your life is going to be easy from start to finish then you are very much mistaken. Not only do experiences allow you to decide what you do and don’t want, remember that you can always be learning about yourself more too. There may well be things that you need to address for yourself, and if you can recognise things within yourself that you would like to work on, then this is being realistic and will not harm you- if anything it is just positive character building. If you can come away from a situation that has not necessarily worked out in the way that you had envisioned, with new perspectives on things, then consider that you have learnt from that experience and be certain that you will keep it in mind as you move forward with your life.
On a final note, happiness in life is the ultimate goal, especially when we live in a world so full of tragedy and suffering. If you can achieve happiness in your lifetime then consider yourself blessed. Remember that we cannot control everything in our lives, but there are things we can control, one of those things being the way that we carry ourselves through life. When you are at a crossroads, spend the time focusing on you and your needs, because you are important and you deserve to be kind to yourself. Feel whatever you need to feel about the situation, but then pick yourself back up and continue with your life… From life’s struggles we build strength- and strength is forgiving others, and forgiving others means that you are bringing peace to your own mind and heart, allowing you to let go and move forward with your life.