No response is a response.
More often than not, people feel that a response is the only way to gain closure, or to gain the necessary information needed in order to understand something that is impacting our lives. It is all in relation to our need for communication, and we often zone in to the words spoken, the tone of somebody’s voice, the way that they react- whether that be an angered response, defensive or becoming tearful etc. Yet what many of us fail to recognise- or fail to accept, is that no response is a response. The lack of communication from somebody is signifying that for whatever reason (and the reason is not important at this stage)– is that they do not wish to engage in conversation with you, they do not wish to communicate with you, and as hard as this can be sometimes, we need to start understanding that this is a response in itself. We spend far too much time obsessing over responses and expecting reciprocated communication from others- and this is a mistake. If you find yourself in a situation, and you are awaiting a response, accept that the lack of response is all you really need to know with regards to that person. This is not a reflection of you or your actions, but reflects on the other person. It may be that they feel that there is nothing left to say, perhaps they feel that it will only make things worse, or they may be feeling guilty of their actions, meaning that they cannot bring themselves to communicate at all. No response should not be viewed as ‘unfinished business‘. Stop awaiting a phone call, a message, a visit- if they have not already responded to your communication, then accept their silence as your answer.
Taking no risk, is the biggest risk.
We live in a world where everything is changing constantly. The industries that we work in, the way that we live, the way that we shop, the way that we eat- everything is evolving at incredibly pace. Remaining in our place of safety, where we feel comfortable and at ease is obviously a nice place to be- but a comfort zone is never going to allow you to reach your full potential. Now, when we take a decide to take a risk, we are of course, taking a risk that it may not be the outcome we wanted, we may get hurt, it may set us back- the possibilities vary…but to take no risks in life, is really not living. When I use the word ‘risk’, it should not be mistaken for something that is going to endanger our lives, it could be something as simple as: moving cities, changing your career path, entering a new relationship. People become fearful when they are faced with the unknown: will it or won’t it work? People then resort to what they already know, playing it safe and never putting themselves in a vulnerable position because of the fear of something. Taking a risk in life when the worst that can happen is, it doesn’t work out and you try again, is really the last of your worries. Life happens- we are human beings, which means we are therefore involved with other people, so naturally, we can be faced with difficult situations where we are not in control of the outcome, because we share our lives with others who may compromise our happy place, both professionally and personally- so take the risk. Character building and resilience can only increase when we are faced with challenging situations and have to work hard to overcome them- it all contributes to the learning process. There is nothing worse than wishing that you could have the time back to make changes…So take the risk, it might be the best thing you ever do.
Changed behaviour is a real apology.
This is a well-known quotation, although it is important to recognise that a verbal apology is important, and this is not suggesting that a verbal apology doesn’t mean anything, because it does. Of course, apologies are important for people and therefore have a purpose. However, anybody can say the word ‘sorry’, and it is up to the receiver of the apology to establish whether or not it is sincere or genuine- because we all know that people can lie, and people are more than capable of saying a few words to make it all better, with the expectation that it will be water under the bridge. This is the reason why the best apology is changed behaviour, because it is accompanied by actual actions that certify that it is genuine. There is a period of time where we can expect people to start to fall back into old habits, or perhaps start repeating behaviours that they initially apologised for- so if this happens, you can be certain that their apology was not genuine after all. What you can be sure about at this point, is that, if offensive behaviour continues, then the person has no serious desire to change, they also were not sincere in their apology at all. You can therefore conclude that this person will not change their actions and ‘sorry’ is just another word in their vocabulary that really has no substance or meaning for them- again, their problem, not yours.
If they really wanted to, they would.
To every single person out there who is providing somebody with excuses- I am going to say it louder for the people at the back: if they really wanted to, they would! It is essential that everybody understands this. There are many of us who classify as empaths, and unfortunately, we often soak up the lies and deceit- not because we are stupid, but because we see the best in everybody, so we buy it. The truth of the matter is, if somebody in your life really wants to do something, they will do it- there will not be excuses as to why they can’t. Furthermore, if somebody wants you in their life, then believe that you will be in it- if you are not, (then yes this is brutal but), it is because they do not want you. People make time for the people they want to make time for- if people want to be around you, they will be. It is such a simple statement, but for some reason, it is the hardest pill to swallow and nobody wants to believe it is the case. Respect yourself enough to stop providing people with excuses, and respect yourself enough to stop believing everything that people say- which brings me nicely on to the final point in this blog: because not everybody has the same heart as you, which means that not everybody will treat you with the same respect as you treat them. Lying and using excuses to get out of telling the truth is second nature to some people…If they are telling the truth, then you will find that their words match their actions, and if they don’t, then you must start accepting and understanding this point- it will save you from wasting so much time and energy on a person who does not deserve your kind heart.
Not everyone has the same heart as you.
If you go through life expecting that people will treat you in the same way as you treat them- (this is assuming that you are a good person with good morals and values)– then you are setting yourself up to be hurt and disappointed. It can be really difficult to digest bad behaviours, we often take it personally when people hurt us, or treat us in a way that we would never treat another person. It comes down to realising that not everybody has the same heart as you. Do yourself a favour and stop expecting that people will show you a level of mutual respect, and you will find that when you remove expectations, you will remove that horrible feeling of disappointment. When we have no expectations of others, then we cannot be disappointed ,and you can simply sit back and observe a person’s true colours, without getting frustrated and questioning: “why are they treating me in this way?”. It is a vital lesson to learn in this life, and it will no doubt, strengthen your character if you start to process this, it will remove those negative thought processes that start causing you to question your own worth, and encourage you to actually assess if people are good enough for you, and if you want these people in your life. Just because you love with all of your heart, and you care, does not mean that everybody else does. Stop expecting everybody you encounter to be as good of a person as you are and you will find yourself making better decisions for yourself, and recognising what you are worth, as opposed to questioning your worth.