I have a great friend to thank for bringing this to my attention and insisting that rejection leads to redirection. She has consistently told me in recent months that the rejection I am feeling now is only a redirection to good things for me, and as painful as it may be now, in the long run I am going to to gain a better perspective and better things will come. So, thank you to a very dear friend for providing me with this little bit of wisdom and for always showering me with words of comfort when I am at low points of my life, which in turn has led me to write this little blog post.
Let’s spend some time looking at the dreaded word that is: Rejection. It hurts. It hurts incredibly, it really does emotionally injure us and impact us on various levels- because let’s face it, nobody wants to feel rejected. The questions that come to mind may sound something like: what is wrong with me? Why wasn’t I good enough? What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I worth it? Whether that is in relation to a job that you have applied for or that shiny new promotion: “you would be an asset but we have decided to give the role to somebody with more experience”, rejection within family and friendship circles: “you weren’t invited because…you are nothing like your sister- why can’t you be more like her?”, and of course, rejection from a person you were romantically involved with: “I really like you but, I just don’t want this right now”... Sound familiar? And since the majority of my blogs tend to lean towards the relationship/love waters, I am going to look at it from this lens- since I have been rejected multiple times in my twenties- some worse than others but, nevertheless, I know all too well how this feels (don’t worry, I am not sat here crying about it anymore, I promise!)
Don’t Let Your Ego Win.
When we are on the receiving end of rejection, it is our ego that takes the biggest hit. The ego is the part within us attached to our sense of pride, self-esteem and self worth, so it makes total sense why rejection is as painful as it is. Naturally, we are forced to consider all of the possibilities as to why we were just not good enough- we automatically assume that, of course it must be us! I think this is probably the worst part, when you start to question your own self worth- shattering any self-esteem that you actually have left. All of those negative feelings begin to surface, the shame, the embarrassment, elements of sadness and pessimism- what you felt was real, so the feelings come flooding in. When we are taken by surprise, and dropped from a great height, our ego really does take a battering- regardless of whether you are an egotistical person or not. You have made a big step opening up to somebody, inviting people into your world, into your mind and your heart, so of course it hurts when that connection no longer exists. Then we become our biggest critics: ‘I wasn’t good enough’. If nothing else, it is such dangerous territory to be in, which is why we really have to fight with our own ego and stop allowing it to continue shattering us.
Search For The Lesson.
It is so easy to zone in on what we feel we have lost when we feel rejected. For some reason, we place people on pedestals- as if they are somewhat superior, which, let me say with certainty, they are not. They are a human being, just like you are. It is more productive to start to consider what you gained from the experience- after all, it can’t have been all that bad, so there must be something that you can take away from the time you have spent. This is not to say that you need to change something about yourself each time, but there may be lessons to be learnt in relation to your reactions, or even something in them that you learnt about for future reference. Personally speaking, I feel that I have a very strong intuition which I often ignore, and there are definite experiences that I have been in with people where I have not trusted my gut feeling and made a judgement call- which has turned out to be exactly what I anticipated… I can be sure that with my connections with people moving forward, I will always trust myself and my thoughts because there is something to be said about a gut feeling, and it should not be ignored. Once your head is not so clouded, start to think about what you have learnt, and what you can take away from the experience- there is no such thing as wasted time.
There Is A Greater Reason.
When we are rejected, we tend to stay a little bit stuck in the moment for far too long. We stay on a loop, we go around in circles, doubting who we are and torturing ourselves with that feeling that we are not wanted. Learning to see past the pain, and acknowledging that there will be a reason as to why we do not always get who we want, is where we need to focus the energy. It may not be obvious to begin with, but with time, revelations will occur and it will all make sense as to why this was just not meant for you. We will all eventually discover the purpose of the pain in due course- be patient and always remember that there will be a perfect explanation as to why this just was not for your path. This comes down to letting go of the things that you cannot control, and changing your thought processes that you were not good enough. Nobody is ‘too good‘ for you and if a person does something to you that makes you feel that, then the chances are, this is not a person that you should even want to embrace or spend your time with anyway.
Let It Go & Let It Be.
Perhaps one of the most difficult things we have to do, is let people go that we really wanted to cherish for longer. When we are not calling the shots, we are left with no option but to let it go- and that is exactly what you must do. You must never place yourself in a position where you are asking somebody to be in your life- listen to their words, wish them well and let them go. What belongs to you energetically will effortlessly be in your life. Instead of worrying about how this can be when the person you want has walked away and rejected you, believe that what is for you is already yours and will be when you let it be. If you hold on to a situation of rejection for too long, you are not placing yourself in a position to even receive the better things to come…Accept it for what it is and always respect the wishes of another person- it is not your place to force somebody to be in your life. Finally, be patient with yourself. Nobody should expect you to ‘get over it’ over night- when it meant something, it takes time. So be patient with the process, and allow life to happen naturally and without force.
One thing I am certain of, I will take rejection every single day of the week, if it means that it is a redirection to better things- that is not to say that it doesn’t hurt me in the meantime- but, everything happens for a reason and I am a big believer in, what is meant for me will find me. There is no connection that I need to force, and there is nobody on this planet that I will ask to stay in my life- the door will be open to enter, and it will stay open if they decide to leave. Know yourself and know exactly what you are worth before you succumb to those feelings of rejection, don’t allow your ego to do all of the talking- there is no place for ego in your growth. You didn’t lose anything if you always kept it real on your side- and let’s face it, you can’t lose something that you never had. Always wish them well before you let them go and keep it moving; what is coming will be better than what has gone.